The Realities of "Invasion"

Here's a new rule. If the person you're talking to about illegal immigration in the United States all of a sudden uses the word "invasion" to describe the influx of illegal immigrants, you are now allowed to punch said person in the face. Twice. Because not only has this person given away the fact that he's a victim of "Displaced White Person Syndrome"(tm), but he's demonstrated that he has no concept of what an "invasion" looks like. This is odd since we've recently been lucky enough to witness an invasion in full fucking color, popcorn and Mountain Dew in hand, on our 52 inch plasma televisions.

The most well documented invasion in recorded history was captured in every detail thanks to the fine folks at CNN and FOXNews. It was, of course, the U.S. led invasion of Iraq. The "invasion" that the yahoo is talking about is the steady stream of illegal immigrants sneaking into our country in order to be exploited by wealthy Americans and large corporations as a source of cheap labor.

The invasion of Iraq utilized the most organized armed force in the world. There were tanks, ATV's, helicopters, lasers, bridgelayers, and X-Wing fighters.

The "invasion" of the U.S. by illegal immigrants utilizes vans and pick up trucks with people hiding in the wheel wells, mothers carrying infants across the desert with barely enough water to make it, families paying traffikers large sums of money to hopefully be dropped off on a street corner somewhere.

The forces invading Iraq did things like shoot their enemies, bomb their cities, fire mortar rounds at buildings, and capture large numbers of the country's residents.

The illegal immigrants "invading" America do things like make the beds of their "enemies", wash the children of their "enemies", cook the food of their "enemies", and clean up the shit left around the homes of their "enemies".

The Iraq invasion led to the installation of a pro-American interim government to make sure that we liked any post invasion policies that government tried to put into place.

The "invasion" of America has led to white folks having to press one for English on the phone systems of private businesses trying to get dollars out of the hands of all immigrants regardless of legal status.

The Iraq invasion led to the establishment of U.S. military bases in a strategic location in a politically unstable, yet economically lucrative, part of the world.

The "invasion" of America has led to the creation of ethnic neighborhoods where immigrants, regardless of legal status, can buy food and products from their home countries and speak their native language.

The invasion of Iraq created a lot of wealth for a number of U.S. corporations who received blank checks from the U.S. government to provide services in country.

The "invasion" of America increased the number of Spanish language radio and television stations.

When evaluated side by side, it doesn't really seem like "invasion" is the word this guy's looking for. Now, he'll go on about Bill O'Reilly or Michael Savage and how they've taught him all about La Conquista and the desire to take back Azatlan by militant Mexicans. But, deep down he knows that that's just a bullshit argument that takes extremists and tries to make them mainstream. He's got to realize that you can't call this an "invasion."

Unless "invasion" is code for "oh my fucking god...there are more brown people in my town than white people and I'm scared."

Remember kids...It's okay to be against illegal immigration. Illegal immigration challenges the right of a nation to secure its borders. Also, illegal immigration allows rich Americans to create a sub-class of people with no legal recourse for mistreatment. I'd argue that market forces are probably driving us to a point where we should rethink the restrictive nature of our immigration policy, but I'd give you the point that illegal immigrants create an artificially low wage floor thus making it harder for Americans to make a decent wage at low skill jobs.

Oh...maybe you'll say "Illegal immigrants are responsible for violent crimes." Then I'll say "Well, yeah, but there's no causal link between being an illegal immigrant and committing a violent crime." Then you'll follow up by "No, but if we stopped illegals from coming across the border, my daughter would still be alive." Fair enough, as long as there was some indicator that would have flagged the murder if he tried coming in legally. If he didn't have a past, he'd have come in anyway and still commited the crime. So, do we shift the argument to all immigrants?
I'll grant that one of the reasons some may sneak across the border is because they have legal issues that prevent them from officially immigrating. We do need a way to stop those people.

There are a number of reasons to be against illegal immigration. There are some really good arguments for clamping down on the border. Let's discuss them. Illegal immigration is an important issue.

Calling it an "invasion" just makes you sound like an asshole.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he's just forgotten what a real invasion looks like. It's easy to do. As Americans, we do tend to have very short memories. That's why the Bush administration constantly brings up 9/11. They don't want us to forget those moments of terror and confusion. They want us to be in the right mindset, so they constantly rape 3,000 dead Americans daily to justify everything from misusing our military, spending a wad of money so large that it would choke Galacticus, and chiselling away at our civil liberties and right to privacy. So, if the Bush administration needs to remind us everyday of what terror is, maybe someone should at least once remind the yahoo across from me ranting about the "invasion" of his hometown by Mexicans what a real invasion is. Maybe this will put his mind at ease.