I'd like to thank...

You know what I hate? Okay...other than "everything and everyone." Awards shows.

They're dull, incredibly long, and full of people I don't really like getting awards for crap I didn't find all that entertaining and then droning on and on about their political views before they thank everyone from their hairdresser, to their agent, to their mama. Before that, we get an hour of the red carpet interviews where celebrities whore it up for the media and throngs of drooling fans hoping for a glance, a handshake, or a wardrobe malfunction.

There are moments of these shows that make them bearable though. For instance, at a music award show where a rapper accepts an award for his hit single "Bitch I'll Fucking Kill You And Fuck Your Corpse While I Smoke Dis Here Blunt" and in his acceptance speech he thanks Jesus for giving him the talent to get out of the hood.

I always picture Jesus, sitting on his magic cloud somewhere with a 52 inch plasma showing him the speech. He's got a spliff in one hand and a forty between his legs. When the rapper gives him a shout out, Jesus taps his chest and shouts out "Yeaaaaaah Boyyyyeeee" (Jesus is old school). The he take the 40 to the head and pulls a hit of the J.

Those moments are great.

Kathy Griffin may have given me something new to look for. It seems that during her acceptance speech for the prerecorded Emmy's the other day, she said the following:

"a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to
know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus."

Okay...so she was probably being needlessly offensive. Without seeing the actual show and the remarks, I can't say. Maybe everyone before her thanked the lord for their reward. Maybe some producer for MTV's reality show "I Fucked My Best Friend's Mom" just thanked God for watching out for her and Griffin had just had enough. More than likely, she just knew the remark would get her some publicity and she's now planning a new one hour special for HBO thanks to the new attention. Whatever the case, I'm still laughing.

Because I picture Jesus, standing on a cloud somewhere with curlers in his hair and looking over a wardrobe rack trying to decide what he's going to wear to his lunch date with Jerry Falwell. Somewhere behind him, the show is playing on TV and he's just kind of listening. Then when Griffin makes her statement, he responds, "That's the fucking truth."

Kathy Griffin realizes that if there were a Jesus, he probably wouldn't moonlight as a television producer, a record mogul, or talent scout for Playboy magazine.

Here's an interesting aside though. Right wing blogs have been upset over the Washington Post's refusal to run a set of Opus comics that poke a bit of fun at Islam (and they're totally correct to be upset as WaPo's refusal to run the comics is total bullshit). Will they be just as upset at the decision to edit out Griffin's remarks about their savior?

Will those who herald the cultural sensitivity of institutions that bend over backwards to not risk upsetting Muslims applaud this decision to respect the sensitivity of Xtians?

I guess we'll see.