An open letter to a homeless guy who can't understand a traffic signal.

Dear homeless fellow,

I am painfully aware of how badly your life must suck. You wake up everyday at New Life Evangelistic Center and say "Ah fuck, I have to listen to Larry Rice again." This would make me miserable. I mean, if ever there was a person who inspired suicidal acts of recklessness just by speaking to someone, it's Larry "The Bunny Boiler" Rice. So, I don't blame you for wanting to get outside as quickly as possible.

I also don't blame you for being upset that you and the thirty of so of your friends have to clear out of Rev. Rice's beds each morning and go sleep in the park. It's hot outside, so I can see why you'd be depressed about having to do this.

As upset as you are though, if you've decided to end your life - could you find some sleeping pills? Running out into the middle of traffic is a lousy way to kill yourself. Don't get me wrong, it'll work. It's just that I really don't feel like replacing my windshield anytime soon.

Thanks
ZK

Ah...Media...

Special thanks to K-Bar for showing this to me.

Here's a great example of why you can't trust everything you read on the internet, even if it's from a major news source.

Look at the photo and then read the caption. Can you see the problem?

(Hint: Maybe do a Google image search on what discharged 5.56 NATO rounds look like.)

All hail editorial competency in the information age...

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/photo/14082007/24/photo/photos-n-world-elderly-iraqi-woman-shows-bullets-says-hit-house-following.html&g=events/wl/20061102_iraq

Can't have one without the other...

or You Either Support the Entire Constitution or You Support None of It

My really liberal friends will claim that the most important ammendment to the constitution is the first ammendment. I can understand why. It's the ammendment that currently keeps religious folks from bringing their gods into the classroom (until the Supreme Court gives a new interpretation of the "establishment clause"), and makes sure that we all have the right to say whatever we want about anything.

That first ammendment covers everything from criticism of your leaders to pictures of 19 year old women dressed as Catholic school girls. Expression is expression and any limitation on speech is a start down a very slippery slope.

I agree with them.

Many of my conservative friends will tell you that the second ammendment is the most important ammendment to the constitution. It's what gives us the right to arm ourselves against attackers, potential enemies, and potential governmental abuse of power. The second ammendment doesn't allow for interpretation. It means you can arm yourself with the best available weapons you can find. It means that you don't criminalize lawabiding citizens because certain individuals can't responsibly own firearms.

I agree with them.

But I've noticed something strange. Most of the folks in either of these groups don't agree with most of the folks in the other groups. There are a lot of folks who will go on and on about the freedom of speech and then see no problem going on a diatribe against guns, gun owner, and gun sellers. Many second ammendment supporters will give you the classic "from my cold dead hands" speech. Get them talking about pornography or anything not relflecting Judeo Christian values, and they'll talk about why we need laws against it.

I've got a small idea I'd like to try out on you. The Constitution of the United States of America is not menu card at a sushi bar. You do not get to choose a spicy tuna roll while leaving rainbow roll behind. If you support any part of the Constitution, you must support it all. If you don't like something in the Constitution, then you may work to change said document as decribed within the document itself. That's the why the framers were so smart. They knew that parts of the document may become less relevant with time, so they gave us a way to change it.

But for now, if it's in there, you can't have one ammendment without the others.

Ten good things I'm going to write about soon

Maker's Mark
Stardust
The Simpsons Movie
Karl Rove's Retirement
Tacos
Guns and Freedom of Speech
The Blues
A Short Film
Beautiful Women
Time Dilation

"Invasion" part deux

So, I'm going to post a few last thoughts on immigration here. Part of this is in response to a friend's reaction to my previous post. Part of this is because my last post was a very sarcastic rant against most of the assholes I hear on right wing radio, which I listen to way too much of. This is partially a response to responses, and partially a more level headed explanation of why the rhetoric of "invasion" bugs the hell out of me.

First, a little history. When people start talking about the "invasion" of illegals -

Wait. Let's be honest. We're talking about Mexicans. I mean, really we're talking about Peruvians, Chileans, Costa Ricans, Puerto Ricans, and any number of other people. But they all get melted into one big Mexican by the time the talking heads on Fox News get a hold of them.

Okay, so when people start talking about the "invasion" of illegal Mexicans into our country, I think of Valley Park, Missouri. Valley Park, just minutes away from downtown St. Louis, is not a bad place. It just has a few really crazy people in it and the town elected one of them mayor. Last year, the mayor of Valley Park made it a crime to be an illegal alien and imposed fines on businesses that hire and landlords who rent to illegals.

He apparently has a double major in redundancy.

You can read the details here.

Now, normally I'd write this off as one of the countless idiotic wastes of time government engages in. Making it illegal to be illegal sure seems like one of those symbollic gestures that usually just mildly annoy me. But, as soon as the ordinance was approved St. Louis County police were flooded with calls from Valley Park reporting illegal immigrants.

Anonymous calls of course. Anonymous calls from people whose only evidence of someone being here illegally (in most cases) is - what, the color of their skin? Their inability to speak fluent English? Their last name? Because unless you've some really cool mutant ability that you haven't registered with the government, you can't tell and illegal Mexican from a Mexican who's just having a hard time learning the language.

So, as a result, Hispanics had the risk of always having to prove their legal status on demand. And many whites saw no problem with this because they're simply trying to stop the invasion of their town.

Now, I'm a fiscally conservative, socially liberal, constitutional Libertarian. I believe that every citizen has the right to live a life free of molestation by the government. Each day I see a million tiny encroachments into my private life that are rationalized in a number of ways. I forgive these encroachments for the most part. But one thing that is unforgivable, is anything that would ever force me to have to provide documentation of my right to be here to authorities on demand.

Luckily I'm white. If you're white like me, take a sigh of relief. Because man, if I had a dark tan, I'd be worried about what happened in Valley Park, Missouri. Luckily, that ordinance was struck down by the courts. Others followed. Some approved and some failed.

I'm still happy that I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes.

So, when I hear the word "invasion" that's why it gets my hackles up.

Okay, so why not "invasion". After all, there's not denying that a lot of illegals make their way into our country each year. And with recent news stories about the rape and murder of a child by an illegal immigrant, my friend makes a statement that doesn't really seem all that unfair:

"last time I checked raping, pillaging, and murder of a country's citizenry(especially children) is all things that happen in an invasion"

Those are things that happen in some invasions (though i'd like to think our recent invasion of Iraq was more benign and lacked the viking aspect). They're also just fucked up things that happen in any society.

My problem with "invasion" rhetoric is that it's hyperbole to the nth degree. How many illegals are in America today? The conservative estimate is 12 million last time I checked? Some of the more reactionary groups estimate 24 million. Everyone else falls somewhere in between.
How many violent crimes like this have been committed by illegals? Is it between 1.2 million and 2.4 million? If at least 10 percent of the illegals were raping and killing our citizens, I'd almost allow the rhetoric to pass.

Almost.

"Invasion" turns all illegals not just into dangerous criminals, but into something damn near a military enemy. It's just not so. They're not organized. They're not actively trying to tear down the country. They're not sneaking ied's into courthouses. For the most part, they're living under our radar. That's why they're so hard to find and send back.

"Invasion" allows us to lump rapists and killers into the same class as the woman who snuck in to clean floors for $3 an hour to send money back to her family. Both are criminals. Neither should have been allowed to sneak into the country. But I hope it's obvious that the level of force used to aprehend either them should be significantly different, as their threat to our social order is significantly different.

Calling them both "invaders" removes the necessity to think rationally about how they're dealt with. It means that the housekeeper whose only crime is paying some opportunist way to much money to be dropped off in South St. Louis gets let out of her home at gunpoint, just as the rapist is.

I don't like that. I think we should have to make the distinction - even if it's only in our heads - between someone who may kill us in our sleep and someone who simply minds their own business. When we become unwilling to do that by viewing all illegals as invaders, then it's a short step to viewing everyone who comes running across the desert as a potential bomb and justifying the use of any force necessary to stop them from crossing the border.

That's not a slippery slope. It's a very short inclined plane.

And yes, we should find illegals and send them back to their home countries. Their actions are an affront to the immigrants who come here legally through the processes we set forth. But, just as the guy sitting in his living room smoking a joint is not the same threat as the coked up drug lord inviting you to say hello to his automatic rifle, not all illegal aliens pose the same threat either.

The Realities of "Invasion"

Here's a new rule. If the person you're talking to about illegal immigration in the United States all of a sudden uses the word "invasion" to describe the influx of illegal immigrants, you are now allowed to punch said person in the face. Twice. Because not only has this person given away the fact that he's a victim of "Displaced White Person Syndrome"(tm), but he's demonstrated that he has no concept of what an "invasion" looks like. This is odd since we've recently been lucky enough to witness an invasion in full fucking color, popcorn and Mountain Dew in hand, on our 52 inch plasma televisions.

The most well documented invasion in recorded history was captured in every detail thanks to the fine folks at CNN and FOXNews. It was, of course, the U.S. led invasion of Iraq. The "invasion" that the yahoo is talking about is the steady stream of illegal immigrants sneaking into our country in order to be exploited by wealthy Americans and large corporations as a source of cheap labor.

The invasion of Iraq utilized the most organized armed force in the world. There were tanks, ATV's, helicopters, lasers, bridgelayers, and X-Wing fighters.

The "invasion" of the U.S. by illegal immigrants utilizes vans and pick up trucks with people hiding in the wheel wells, mothers carrying infants across the desert with barely enough water to make it, families paying traffikers large sums of money to hopefully be dropped off on a street corner somewhere.

The forces invading Iraq did things like shoot their enemies, bomb their cities, fire mortar rounds at buildings, and capture large numbers of the country's residents.

The illegal immigrants "invading" America do things like make the beds of their "enemies", wash the children of their "enemies", cook the food of their "enemies", and clean up the shit left around the homes of their "enemies".

The Iraq invasion led to the installation of a pro-American interim government to make sure that we liked any post invasion policies that government tried to put into place.

The "invasion" of America has led to white folks having to press one for English on the phone systems of private businesses trying to get dollars out of the hands of all immigrants regardless of legal status.

The Iraq invasion led to the establishment of U.S. military bases in a strategic location in a politically unstable, yet economically lucrative, part of the world.

The "invasion" of America has led to the creation of ethnic neighborhoods where immigrants, regardless of legal status, can buy food and products from their home countries and speak their native language.

The invasion of Iraq created a lot of wealth for a number of U.S. corporations who received blank checks from the U.S. government to provide services in country.

The "invasion" of America increased the number of Spanish language radio and television stations.

When evaluated side by side, it doesn't really seem like "invasion" is the word this guy's looking for. Now, he'll go on about Bill O'Reilly or Michael Savage and how they've taught him all about La Conquista and the desire to take back Azatlan by militant Mexicans. But, deep down he knows that that's just a bullshit argument that takes extremists and tries to make them mainstream. He's got to realize that you can't call this an "invasion."

Unless "invasion" is code for "oh my fucking god...there are more brown people in my town than white people and I'm scared."

Remember kids...It's okay to be against illegal immigration. Illegal immigration challenges the right of a nation to secure its borders. Also, illegal immigration allows rich Americans to create a sub-class of people with no legal recourse for mistreatment. I'd argue that market forces are probably driving us to a point where we should rethink the restrictive nature of our immigration policy, but I'd give you the point that illegal immigrants create an artificially low wage floor thus making it harder for Americans to make a decent wage at low skill jobs.

Oh...maybe you'll say "Illegal immigrants are responsible for violent crimes." Then I'll say "Well, yeah, but there's no causal link between being an illegal immigrant and committing a violent crime." Then you'll follow up by "No, but if we stopped illegals from coming across the border, my daughter would still be alive." Fair enough, as long as there was some indicator that would have flagged the murder if he tried coming in legally. If he didn't have a past, he'd have come in anyway and still commited the crime. So, do we shift the argument to all immigrants?
I'll grant that one of the reasons some may sneak across the border is because they have legal issues that prevent them from officially immigrating. We do need a way to stop those people.

There are a number of reasons to be against illegal immigration. There are some really good arguments for clamping down on the border. Let's discuss them. Illegal immigration is an important issue.

Calling it an "invasion" just makes you sound like an asshole.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe he's just forgotten what a real invasion looks like. It's easy to do. As Americans, we do tend to have very short memories. That's why the Bush administration constantly brings up 9/11. They don't want us to forget those moments of terror and confusion. They want us to be in the right mindset, so they constantly rape 3,000 dead Americans daily to justify everything from misusing our military, spending a wad of money so large that it would choke Galacticus, and chiselling away at our civil liberties and right to privacy. So, if the Bush administration needs to remind us everyday of what terror is, maybe someone should at least once remind the yahoo across from me ranting about the "invasion" of his hometown by Mexicans what a real invasion is. Maybe this will put his mind at ease.